- Sun Jan 15, 2006 6:18 am
#1250
I know that there are many kinds of healing that take place when people visit Medjugorje. Let me tell you about my healing.
I was 6 (yes, SIX) when my older brother of 12 taught me to smoke cigarettes. It was to his advantage that I learn. First of all, he had no friends to smoke with and I provided companionship. Secondly, he needed someone to steal them from our mother's cigarette pack. I was also very good at removing one or two from each unopened pack skillfully gluing the bottom back together.
Cigarettes meant many things to me and though I would stop smoking for a week or two, I could never stay away from them... even during my pregnancies I had to smoke a couple a day. The physical withdrawal was easy to endure, but the psychological addiction was always there, nagging at me. If I became stressed, or with other smokers, or out with friends drinking, I couldn't concentrate on anything else except getting my hands on a cig.
I am a 52 year old nurse and I see what smoking does to people and so many times I agonized over not being able to kick the habit.
When I went to Medjugorje, I took my written "stop smoking" intention to the top of Cross Mountain. We had a little prayer and ceremomy where we burned our requests that we wrote out. As soon as we came down, the first thing I did was squelch my craving by lighting up. I thought, well, that hike up the mountain was for naught! I'm smoking as always. In the evening we would gather for wine and cocktails and the smokers in our group would be off in a corner blowing smoke off the balcony. It felt good to be with smokers, but I was also disappointed in myself.
Numerous times while in Medjugorje I threw out my Marlboros, but darn, they were so CHEAP to buy, that it made it easy to purchase another pack when the craving hit a couple hours later.
When I arrived back in the States, I was still smoking up a storm. On the way home, I noticed my craving was worse than ever. I even had to light up in the car. To make matters worse, there were two nonsmokers in the car. I NEVER SMOKE IN A CAR, but I just couldn't control the craving. I was so ashamed and when we stopped for lunch, I once again threw away a half pack of cigarettes , knowing that in a few hours I would regret it.
Well, the craving in any form has not returned. I haven't smoked since and it's been three months. I know I am healed. I've been stressed at work and at home. I've been around nonsmokers and out drinking and don't even think about it ... except of how bad it smells.
The memory of how good it felt is gone which is something I've never experience before when I quit. I'm like the adult who used to suck their thumb as a child .... she's aware that she did it, she knows that it served a purpose of comforting or whatever, but doesn't remember exactly how it made her feel, only that it PROBABLY felt good. I know I smoked and that I must have enjoyed it, but the memory for how it made me feel is gone and so it doesn't trigger a yearning. It's almost as if I never smoked at all. The monkey is off my back and I am free at last! This a true miracle for me!!
Our life here is only a stopping off place. God provides, but He does not share.
