Post your stories of conversion here. The seer Ivan says that conversion is a lifelong process.

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By Hoosier
Last edited by Hoosier on Sun Jan 20, 2008 4:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
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By starbright
Dear Todd, I don't know what to say. Sometimes a breakdown can be a breakthrough, but maybe you don't feel this is the case for you. I have said a prayer for you my friend. Frances
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By mcikath
Dear Todd, know that i have prayed for you, dont give up--love and prayers mcikath xx
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By savedbymarie
Hoosier wrote:On my pilgrimage about 13 years ago the experience caused a mental breakdown. I had to be hospitalized. She was not a very loving mother in Medjugorje. She caused this. She did not protect me. Even when I was so close to the messages. It has been a very tough time ever since. Because of Medjugorje. Todd
thank you for sharing.
praying with you.
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By Shalom
Hoosier, my prayers are with you. Sometimes we don't understand why we have to suffer so much. I notice your avatar is Padre Pio. Padre Pio used to say "If you knew the value of suffering you would never give it up". Ask Padre Pio to intercede for you.
You know, sometimes when we feel abandoned that is when we are most likely to be getting more graces than we can imagine. It is at these times that Jesus and His Mother are most close to us, the only thing is that we don't FEEL that or believe that. However just try to be obedient and DO, what you can.
You are also posting to us. You are reaching out to your brothers and sisters. Persevere my dear friend and rest assured that we will pray for you

God bless Shalom..
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By Hopper
Couldn't say it any better than Shalom, Hoosier. Will keep you in my prayers. It's so hard.

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By tina
dearest one...

i think starbrights post was a good one.. at times in our walk in God and with a deepening of spiritual awareness may come a spiritual emergency of a sort. Alot of the great saints went thru this.

Have you read ' dairy of a soul', by St. Faustina? she went thru something like this when she had a huge influx of spiritual energy, when Gods Most Holy Spirt began to move more deeply in her life... her mother Superior told her she was blessed of God for it!..

Although i am sure at the moments she experienced this, she didnt feel so great. She even got rid of her first manuscript because she didn't feel stable emotionally.. she ripped it up!

Later , she was asked by her spiritual director to rewrite it so people like you and me would not feel so alone in our walk with the Lord while going thru similar things. if you can, pick up a copy.. i am sure you will recognize your state of being in it. i know I did.

Often with people, when called by god to walk more deeply with Him, and i can speak for myself here too.. come into this great grace , initially it isn't alot of fun. one can feel a bit dazzed by it all to say the least, as the light of God is shining so strongly upon you you feel deeply abandoned and left by God.. kinda like an owl in headlights! You cant see nothing!

It is to easy to Doubt God, Jesus and the Blessed Mother... as our consciousness in Christ Jesus hasn't yet risen enough to understand and experience a deeper union in Christ yet.. so, we tend to interpret what is happening to us thru the lower nature, that being our ego sense of self, which cannot know the deeper things of God.

Thus, we enter the dark dark night of the soul for a bit until we begin to pull out of it and gain a deeper spirituality than we could have ever imagined or known.. it IS worth it!

In the early stages of such grace, when the Holy Spirit is purifying us, it can seem like the pits and does not make sense to us..we can literally become unhinged mentally and emotionally unless we are firmly aware that this is a fairly normal process in our spiritual journey .. and what is really going on!

i will pray for you.. hold you in my heart and simply pray....

* trust *is an action word... trust Jesus with all of you.. and know that never, ever will He abandon you, even it it feels like it nor has Mother Mary ... i assure you this is not so. Our senses are imperfect and when we rely on them to understand we will always fall short.. only in letting go into full trust that indeed God is with us..can we begin to open to such grace.. Jesus IS with us and for us the Blessed Mother is with us and for trusting them...there is peace.

love to you dear heart.

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By PotatoSack
My prayers are with you Todd. Sounds like you are going through a very challenging time. Remember God and our Mother have not abandoned you...although it may feel like it at times. This too shall pass, Todd.
By Gael
You know the Blessed Mother loves speak her name with respect. You are trying to find a reason for your illness, perhaps there isn't one thats clear. Perhaps it was sent to test your doubt an extremely hard test. You say She didn't protect you, but how do you know She didn't protect you from something worse? What could be worse you say? Some people with breakdowns never recover, or worse - they die because of them, you sound like you are on the road to healing, I pray that you are. Let me ask you you think the Blessed Mother didn't protect Pope John Paul when he was shot? Did you ever see the picture of him falling with Her arms around him? Did She not protect him from death even though he still suffered? Don't you think She loved him immeasurably? I assure you She does and She loves you as much.
If you knew how much I loved you, you would cry with joy.
Our Lady of Medjugorje
Didn't Jesus say "Who among you would give your child a rock when he asks for bread? Who would give your child a snake when he asks for fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Heaven hasn't sent you a scorpion Todd, Our Blessed Mother loves you very much and is still watching over you, even though it may not seem that way now. She sent you here didn't She? Don't feel abandoned for the good folks here will pray for you and your continued recovery. If you don't already, say the prayer to St. Michael Archangel every day, it is a very powerful prayer and easy to remember.

May God and His Holy Mother bless and protect you.
St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen..
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By Maryschild
Dear Todd,
I will join with those who are praying for you.
You have received wonderful advice from those
who truly care about you. Read their replies again, there
is much wisdom in their words.

The evil one goes after faithful souls who truly love Jesus and
Our Blessed Mother. The souls he is sure of, he doesn't go after.
He wants as many good souls that he can get, because he knows
his time is short. He wants to discourage you so you will turn away
from God and lose your precious soul.

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By mare2
Hoosier wrote:On my pilgrimage about 13 years ago the experience caused a mental breakdown. I had to be hospitalized. She was not a very loving mother in Medjugorje. She caused this. She did not protect me. Even when I was so close to the messages. It has been a very tough time ever since. Because of Medjugorje. Todd
Todd your in my prayers. I received this today and thought of you.

"In truth, the more hidden God becomes, the more he is deepening our intimacy with him. Throughout the history of salvation and throughout our individual lives, God is always leading us to look deeper, first with our physical eyes and then with the eyes of faith."

Fr. Thomas Acklin, O.S.B.
The Passion of the Lamb, St. Anthony Messenger Press
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By mcikath
:) Dear Todd, just looking at your post again, and am wondering how you are doing--if you read this let us know on the forum how you are. these things CAN be healed with God's Grace Todd-- and a lot of trust on your part.Hope you are feeling a lot happier now, and i wish you a happy and healthy New Year 2008- God bless you Todd --love mcikath xxx
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By Hoosier
mcikath, I do read this post. Sometimes. I still feel the way I did when I posted. I'm thankful the Blessed Mother is fighting for us. For me. Like a mother does for her child. This comforts me. But I still feel the same way as I did when I posted. It wasn't necessary. Scary. Even when I posted. I do blame the Blessed Mother. For my pain. Never wanted to have to live like this. I am honestly scared of Jesus, the Blessed Mother, and St. Joseph sometimes. Fear of them. Nothing I can do about it. I pray. I visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrement. I could be doing something wrong. Slow learner. Very difficult to live amongst people who really wanted to see you dystroyed. Fear. Of them. Want to be honest. I do battle with evil. Inside and outside. It is tiring. Praise God, though, the Blessed Mother is fighting for us. She just said so. And I believe. Trust. Live in hope for Heaven to fight the battle. For me. For us. She will crush the head of Satan. I need to love. I need to trust. And let Her battle for me. Against what I can see. And against what I can't see. It's not a game. It is real. Heaven and Hell are just beyond. Purgatory is just beyond. Real places. A battle. I can't win or overcome without devine intervention. Real forces of good and evil. Attacks. Why does the blood of Jesus comfort me and scare me at the same time? Bothers me. I picked St. Michael as my patron when I was confirmed. I now wish I had picked someone else. Because the Blessed Mother and St. Michael go and do the dirty work. Evil is real. Todd
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By starbright
Oh Todd. Bless you. Lord, give this man peace and comfort and reassurance!
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By Hoosier
1 John, chapter 5

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is begotten by God, and everyone who loves the father loves the one begotten by him. In this way we know that we love the children of God when we love God and obey his commandments. For the love of God is this, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome, for whoever is begotten by God conquers the world. And the victory that conquers the world is our faith. Who is the victor over the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

This is the one who came through water and blood, Jesus Christ, not by water alone, but by water and blood. The Spirit is the one that testifies, and the Spirit is truth. So there are three that testify, the Spirit, the water, and the blood, and the three are of one accord. If we accept human testimony, the testimony of God is surely greater. Now the testimony of God is this, that he has testified on behalf of his Son. Whoever does not believe God has made him a liar by not believing the testimony God has given about his Son. And this is the testimony: God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever possesses the Son has life; whoever does not possess the Son of God does not have life.

Jesus, King of Mercy, I trust in You.
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By starbright
I'm not sure what to say to you. It is very late and I'm thinking of going to bed so I'm not sure how good my brain is to help. Jesus loves you. Don't be afraid of Him! Jesus said to St Faustina that he wants us all to come to Him in the day of mercy and not the day of judgement. That means trusting him, Todd. It's something to work at. Maybe try the Divine Mercy novena, that starts on Good Friday? It gives you a plenary indulgence so your sins will be wiped clean. That might help you feel less afraid of Him.
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By Hoosier
Thank you Star, Todd
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By starbright
I'm sorry I'm not much help.

Jesus' love for us is far far greater than we can imagine. He wants the best for us. Every hair on your head has been counted. Before he knit you in your mother's womb, he knew you.

The thing about hell is that it is where people choose to go, by deliberately choosing against God. You're not going to do that, so you'll be ok. Any unconfessed mortal sins need to be confessed and just don't do any more mortal sins.

To get to Heaven more quickly, just try and live what Jesus taught in the Gospels. Go to confession, communion. Also do plenary indulgences.

The five stones of Medjugorje are extra tools to help us open more and more to God, to get as close as we can to Him in this life. To try and eliminate as much as possible the obstacles between us and him (sin).

There really is no need to be fearful. Just need to be happy and to love Him!

Does this help at all?
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By mare2
Todd Wrote:
Fear of them. Nothing I can do about it. I pray. I visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrement. I could be doing something wrong. Slow learner. Very difficult to live amongst people who really wanted to see you dystroyed. Fear. Of them. Want to be honest. I do battle with evil. Inside and outside

Dear Todd,

Fear is not an attribute of God or the Blessed Mother. You must Trust
them with everything you have. You are being tested and refined,
as we all are in these special times. Know that you are Loved,
you Matter to God and to all the Angels and Saints in Heaven.
Unite yourself to Jesus each day, pledge allegiance to him each morning.
For what Father would give his son a stone if he is asking for Bread?

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By mcikath
Dear Todd, have you heard the true saying "Love casts out Fear".if you keep repeating this to yourself, you will come to believe this is what God wants of you.All this fear is from the evil one, and the evil one is happy when you are fearful.-Jesus is Peace, and only Peace, and wants you to be happy.
Have you ever prayed to the Little Flower [St Therese of Lisieux] she was a wonderful Saint who served Jesus in the little things, just going about your daily duties quietly and offering them to God.
I will pray for you in my Rosary especially, that this Fear will be taken from you, and in place will come the Peace of Our Lord,Take care Todd--love and peace mcikath xxx
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By mare2
Todd - I found something that will help you so much.

Go to:

Download the 1st volumn. I have read through to page 151 on the volumn itself but my adobe reader says it's page 172.
Anyway, this is an excellent source for the normal person who is experiencing what your going through.

God Loves You,
By Gael
Todd, I am glad you are still on the forum, I hope things have improved for you and you are feeling better in every way. Don't give up. You have St. Padre Pio watching over you, remember his good advice. "Pray, hope, and don't worry."
By franaissance
Todd. I think it is wonderful that you chose the name Michael for confirmation...the Great Warrior.

You are right that there is a battle all around us. Fr. Corapi has said as much but does not go into detail. And St. Anthony actually saw the battle for souls in the 'real world' all around us...He was so terrified that he asked God to never see it again.

I had a very brief period where I was afraid of Jesus. I think it might have been a holy fear. perhaps that is your situation but not quite understanding it.
I was directed to a great book, Divine Intimacy. I felt like 'this is how I feel'..I must have started it on a very appropriate day as each day is different.
By franaissance
Todd. Obviously I don't know what you went through. But remember the greatest of Saints and the Blessed Mother herself went through much on earth. I don't think it was easy but her faith sustained her.

St. Teresa of Avila at one point stated that if this is how he [Jesus] treats his friends, [she'd hate to be his enemy--paraphrasing here]. (I believe she said that when she got covered in mud during a mishap with the horse drawn carriage---a long trip still to go.) She perservered...

I think we take for granted that the saints were somehow 'better' but God gives us the graces to handle his plan for us...Though sometimes it does not seem like that is the case..

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