I am so sorry I didn't get back to you any sooner, including everyone who PM'd me. It's just that, with the overwhelming amount of messages I received, my poor unfocused mind needed some time to "process" everything.
I have sure set myself quite the goal as an incentive to living and looking forward to something (which is not always easy to do in a depressed and anxious state of mind), I have decided to put all my existing resources to go to Medjugorje. The thing is... when? I don't really have any head start in this project and I am also finding that, in the goal of trying to collect sufficient funds, all areas of my life will be affected (in a lot of good ways too though). I am not too bad I guess: I do have debt that will need being taken care off, but it's nothing overwhelming. It will slow me down though. I will have to be extremely careful with my money. And not buying anymore weed is more an initiative to reach my goal of 3000$ for my trip then anything. (yeah... I am ashamed to say it's really the only incentive I've got to stay away from it so far.)
Also, I have a few health initiatives on the go: I subscribed to the gym with my Tax Refund money. It's an important step I guess to take me off "weed support". I need to get that heart pumpin' and manage my hip bursitis properly if I want to work continuously all summer (I am a landscaper... and last summer due to my hip injury my finances suffered quite a bit. So I need to get that under control before I start working again sometime next month. I wish I'd had the resource to do something about it much sooner...). I am going to do Yoga too, firstly to increase range of motion in my injured hip. Secondly, I'm hoping it will also be another step to take me off "weed support" (like I, unfortunately, like to call it).
If my overall physical well being can be achieved, my work will be better and constant, meaning that I will be able to reach in a timely fashion the financial means to GO TO MEDJUGORJE!!!!! which is the ultimate goal behind all my new initiatives. I'm hoping to go in the next 2 - 3 years.
Spiritually, I'm trying to take baby steps as suggested. I try not to set myself unrealistic goals. In the past, I've been known far too well to do so (do you feel at times like you -purposely- set yourself impossible goals just to see yourself fail?) I want to go talk to a priest as well...
I have some loose threads though which I don't know how to handle, such as the boyfriend, whom is very sweet and cute but... is a pot smoking protestant that's got absolutely no interest in "religion" (his words). I want him to come with me (I'd very much like keeping him). I want him to stop smoking weed too and to have goals in his life (which he doesn't... he doesn't seem to care about personal and spiritual growth. A typical young human male living the present like there is no tomorrow, in complete denial of the future that almost always comes when you're not prepared).
I want to stay with him... but at the same time I fear he will further influence me and slow me down on my BIG PROJECT. As for breaking up with him... I just couldn't handle being alone right now!! That could seriously compromise everything I'm trying to work on right now.
Thank you guys again for your prayers!!! More then anything in my life, or anything that I'm doing, your prayers aid me in a tangible matter!! Please, keep on praying for me... so that one day I can pray too to help others!!!