[Tessa88]

My trip to Medjugorje was in June of 2000. It was a strange (?), emotional up and down experience for me. I felt more as if I was experiencing a “Way of the Cross/ Agony in the Garden” type of experience.

It was a wonderful experience that I shall never forget, but it was also a difficult trip.

And, if anyone has any insight into my epxeriences, I would love to hear them.

I went with a Pilgrimage group from a far away state, of about 20 or so people.

I took this trip by myself, and did not know anyone in the group.

I had dreamed many years of taking a 'Big' Pilgrimage.

(I have taken many small ones through the years to various nearby Shrines, and to a few in Quebec, Canada). I have had many illnesses and money has been scarce for a long time. It has especially been difficult as I am a single Mom. But, along the way I applied for Social Security Disability, and I promised the Lord that if it was approved that I would undertake a Big Pilgrimage, both in Thanksgiving and for many various Prayer Intentions that I have for a wide assortment of people etc.

I received enough money in back payments when my disability was approved to take a Pilgrimage. I originally planned to visit Fatima, Lourdes and Medjugorje. But that trip was canceled, so I took the next trip offered: Italy and Medjugorje. I had forgotten while making my plans that it was a Jubilee year, but God hadn’t.

I’ve never undertaken such a big journey. I was 53 years old at the time. The only other country I have ever visited is Canada. I was very nervous, especially doing this by myself. I have an anxiety/panic disorder as it is, so this was quite an undertaking for me.

I should mention that my disability includes, previous cancers (breast and uterine ), chronic fatigue, fibromylagia, panic/anxiety disorder and occassional depression, along with other miscellaneous odds and ends.

This was not an easy trip for me to undertake. Plus – I cannot take most medications to help me as I have reactions to just about everything the doctor’s have tried to give me.


Italy was wonderful, and I attempted to earn a Plenary Indulgence every day for various relatives, family and friends that had passed on. I even received the Sacrament of Confession in Vatican Square by the Priest with our group.

I had several amazing emotional occurences when praying for the Jubilee Indulgence for family members that have passed on.


We spent several days in Rome then moved on to San Giovani Rotondo to visit the tomb of Padre Pio, also the Cave of Saint Michael.

We also went to Loreto, saw the Eucharistic Miracle of Lanciano, and then to Assisi.

After a week in Italy we went to Medjugorje for a week.

There were so many things that happened while in Italy, but a couple of particular note are:

One was when I visited the Cave of Saint Michael. I was praying for a particular Grandparent that had passed away when I entered the Church. I became very emotional. I kept to my self, and tried to keep in prayer. The whole time I was there I had a strange taste/smell – sort of a dirt/earthen smell/sensation. It stayed with me for the rest of that day. I have no idea what it meant, but it felt like a very special gift of some sort.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything of this sort?

Another was while at Assisi.

I felt very much as an outsider with the group I was in. Most of them all knew each other fairly well. I was given a roommate who was a smoker as was I.

I believe we were the only 2 in our group who smoked and we felt quite shunned. We tried to be very thoughtful of others, and walked in the back of our group and made sure not to smoke while dining etc., so as not to bother anyone with our smoke. But still, comments were made. One small family even made a point of holding handkerchiefs over their faces every time they walked past us (even if we were not smoking). We felt very much as outcasts/lepers.

My roommate developed an infection in her leg while in Italy and had to go on antibiotics. She became very needy and it frustrated me to try to assist her when I felt so overwhelmed with just taking care of myself. I’m sure it was a very difficult cross for her to bear also.

We spent an overnight in Assisi, and on the day we were leaving we stopped at the Portinicula. Those who wanted to, met to eat at a local restaurant. By this time I was very tired, hurting a lot and feeling depressed and alone.

While I was at the restaurant I commented to the people at my table that I just wasn’t feeling very well.

One of the ladies snapped at me that “We were on a Pilgrimage – and we are supposed to be suffering!”

She also told me that no one else was complaining but me – even though many others had problems!

(by the way, I understand that many believe Pilgrimages are supposed to contain sufferings, but I have always looked at them as Prayer journeys/Traveling Retreats for various Prayer Intentions, including Spiritual nourishment, renewals, healings, penance, conversions of self/family/friends etc. I carried with me everywhere pages and pages of prayer intentions both for myself and others).

I was so hurt. I hadn’t meant to complain, it was just a comment that came out. I felt so terrible. I got up and left the restaurant (without touching my meal) and went walking/praying all by myself. I headed out to the Rose garden, where I could smell the Roses so strongly – even though none were in bloom! I stopped at the Statue of Saint Francis and the white doves were there – so I stayed for a bit and talked to Saint Francis and the Doves for a while. It was peaceful and comforting for me.

Finally I went out and browsed through the various items that the vendors were selling. I purchased a couple of small items and as I paid for them, the lady gave me a wooden “Tau” cross, telling me that she felt the urge to give it to me.

I later looked up it’s meaning and was surprised to discover that it means “The Least/smallest/last”.

I have no idea what that meant either, but it did give me goose bumps.

And, to further my day’s discomfort… The bus was supposed to be at a certain place for us to depart from at a certain time. I went there and it was gone!! I had a panic attack!!!

I struggled to return to the restaurant and Praise God! The bus was there, but I was the last one to arrive! Which was further embarrassing/humbling for me. I cried for a long time, all by myself in the back of the bus.

There were so many other things that occurred while in Italy, but I will move on to Medjugorje.


By the time we reached Medjugorje I mostly wanted to be by myself. I was feeling very depressed, tired, and hurting a great deal.

Upon arrival, once in my room, I laid down to take a nap. I was emotionally and physically exhausted.

Just as I closed my eyes I had a brief, very vivid and beautiful vision of Mary! And, the smell of roses was ever so strong!! It was such a warm and pleasant feeling. I felt as if Mary was welcoming me to Medjugorje.

I had a very restful nap. I later asked my roommate if she could smell roses. She commented that whatever the people used to do laundry had a wonderful smell, so I said no more.

There were a few young folks in our group traveling with their families. One of the boys commented that in the Bible people walked barefoot in Holy places.

That really touched me and I felt so much that I was on Holy Ground . I had the very strong urge to go barefoot, so I did so on that first day in Medjugorje. We were close to Apparition Hill, so before it grew dark I decided to try to hike up the hill – barefoot.

What agony! My Gosh!! I was in such pain! And I kept falling.

And, every time I lost my balance I tried to grab onto a bush or whatever to keep from falling. Almost every time – the bushes I would grab were full of thorns!! I struggled for quite some time, until finally as darkness fell, I made it up to the first cross. I then scooted back down the hill slowly on my seat end.

I wore my shoes from that point on, and made it all the way up Apparition Hill every day afterwards. (I made those climbs by myself).

The first evening in Medjugorje several of us sat outside on the patio for several hours. We could see Cross Mountain and the Cross very clearly. I commented that it looked so beautiful all lit up. Everyone there looked at me quite suddenly and one commented that there were no lights on Cross Mountain and that the Cross was “not” lit up. (I have heard that it is now (?) – but it wasn’t at that time).

For the first couple of days I could smell roses everywhere I went.

Then one day while praying the rosary on Apparition Hill, I asked Mary to give my roommate the gift of smelling the roses. I felt as if Mary was asking me if I would be willing to give up that gift for my roommate, and so I said “yes”. I did not smell the roses again for the remainder of my time in Medjugorje. I am not sure if my roommate ever did smell them or not, but I think perhaps she did. Her leg infection improved while in Medjugorje, so I did not see too much of her while there.

I mostly kept to myself while in Medjugorje. I felt like such an outcast with my group and was hurting in so many ways. I prayed dearly for healings of my many ailments and for many relatives, friends, family etc.


I did befriend an elderly man whom many avoided as he came off as cantankerous and was difficult to get along with. We got along fine. Perhaps I could sense in him the same loneliness I was feeling.

I had read that Mary prayed at the foot of the Cross on Cross Mountain at sunrise, so John (the older man) and I decided that we wanted to be there at sunrise.

We convinced a cab driver to pick us up at 3 AM, which he did. (God Bless him – we made sure to tip him very well!).

John and I made that climb even though it was excruciatingly difficult for both of us – especially in the dark. But! What a reward! We were at the Cross, at sunrise praying the rosary!!

It was wonderful in many ways, but it was also lonely and difficult both physically and emotionally.

I went to Mass daily, but usually by myself. I made a few group trips, but even in a group, I felt alone.

Yet, I hated to leave as there was a peace in Medjugorje that I had not experienced before, and I cried when we left. I also pleaded with Mary to let me bring home a bit of Medjugorje, and to one day return again (I’ve not yet been able to return – but I keep hoping and praying that one day I shall).

Upon returning home, my children (teens at the time), Mother, and a few relatives were at the house. I opened my suitcase to take out some of the numerous rocks I had brought home. My son picked one up and commented on the lovely strong smell of roses!! I was stunned!!! Everyone could smell the roses but me. Mary let me bring a bit of Medjugorje home with me!!

I returned home with a strong desire to attend daily Mass, but for many various reasons it became difficult to do, and I have yet to accomplish that goal (amongst those reasons – my health).

I have since had cancer for a 3rd time (colon cancer).

I have had much difficulty coping with my many illnesses and I suppose anger at God has snuck in at times. I feel disappointed sometimes but at the same time I remind myself that when I had my first cancer 29 years ago, I was only given 2 years to live – yet, by the grace of God I am still going. At this time there are no signs of any more cancer. (Praise God!!).

I still battle many other health problems, but as miserable as they are - they are not life threatening.

There was much that happened in Medjugorje and Italy, and I still don’t understand most of those things that occurred, but I do know that God has His reason’s for these things. I try to just keep faith and Trust in God as difficult as it gets at times. I try to offer up all to God for my many prayer intentions.

I'm still trying to understand my experience on that Pilgrimage, but I do know that it was very Very special.

[OnASpiritualJourney2]

Wow! Thank you for sharing your experiences. It sounds like it was a very difficult trip for you, but it sounds like the Blessed Mother definitely wanted you there. I have no insights into your experiences, but I'm sure others who have made pilgrimages there might. I hope you do get the chance to return to Medjugorje under better circumstances.

[Memorare]

Thank you so much for sharing.

You are in my prayers, Tessa.

God bless you, Dana

[kenneth]

Hi tessa

Your experience of your pilgrimage to Italy and medjugorje brought a tear to my eye tessa, Our lord give you a cross to carry and you did it along with Our Ladys help great things will come out of your suffering that our Lord can use for his holy will. Praise God.

May God bless you and your family.

[Tessa88]

I thought I'd finally post a few pictures I have from this Pilgrimage.

On My first day I went barefoot as much as I could. These are my feet on Apparition Hill.



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[Tessa88]

Here are a few from my hike up Cross Mountain, where my friend and I managed to reach the Cross by sunrise:

[Tessa88]

[Tessa88]

and... me.

[OnASpiritualJourney2]

Tessa good to see you - and your feet!

I've never seen the cross photographed from that side. I didn't realize that there are actual steps and a handrail near it. I'm assuming most of the photos I've seen were taken from the other side. How awesome!