Website : https://conversionstorydivinemercy.wordpress.com/
This is the link : My illumination of conscience - published in Sign and Wonder magazinehttps://magazinelavoixdedieu.files.word
(Testimony given in Catholic Church in Europe, America, Africa and Asia)
The peace of Jesus be with you !
Beloved brothers and sisters, I have the joy of sharing with you when Christ resurrected me from spiritual death. He allowed me to experience the illumination of my conscience to which I have witnessed in the Catholic Church, in Europe, America, in Africa and in Asia.
In 2013 I have been appointed as President of the virtual community “Missionaries of Divine Mercy”. It is located in the Divine mercy shrine in Spain. The spiritual father of this community is the rector of the shrine.
I have also my own spiritual counselor who is Director of Diocesan spiritual center and Director of Diocesan mass media. He asked me to go in the entire world to give talks on my conversion.
« Childhood and youth »
My parents had me baptized a few days after my birth. I followed all the catechism courses and made my first communion. Mother, a pious woman, taught me to pray the Our Father and the Hail Mary which we prayed every evening. However, after my communion, I no longer attended the Catholic Church, not until 1996, the date on which Jesus came to save me. I was 32 years old.
I will relate the life I led during all those years, away from Jesus.
At 15 years of age my life took a tumble. I began smoking, going to shady bars, had fortunes told, practiced numerology, and writing to astrologers. At that age, I did not know the Word of God : “Let there not be found among you anyone who immolates his son or daughter in the fire, nor a fortune teller, soothsayer, charmer, diviner, or caster of spells, nor one who consults ghosts and spirits or seeks oracles from the dead. Anyone who does such things is an abomination to the Lord and because of such abominations the Lord, your God, is driving nations out of your way. You, however, must be altogether sincere toward the Lord your God.” (Deut. 18: 10).
When I finished my studies, I spent week-ends in discos, smoking hashish, drinking alcohol, wearing mini-skirts and fornicating without guilt, with men whom I would meet. I was searching for Love with a capital L. Satan held me in his hellish links.
« Astrology and Spiritualism »
It was during an evening at a nightclub that I met a young man. After a few months, we decided to live common law. I did not know that by having sexual contacts outside the sacrament of marriage, that my soul would be united to impure spirits. After five years, I left him and moved to another city. There I met an astrologer and an AMORC (Ancient and Mystical Order of the Rose Cross) Rosicrucian. The astrologer proposed to read my karmic astrological theme and I accepted. She explained to me that this was to study my astrological theme based on my previous lives and to study my karma.
Soon after, I went to a spiritualistic center, in order to listen to the teachings of a guru ; there I found a book that I studied which was called ”The Gospel according to spiritualism” by Allan Kardec. One day this guru proposed to those who wished to do so to participate in live séances of spiritualism on Wednesday evenings. Ignorant as I was, I accepted. During these séances, I began to see mediums who entered into trances and who pretended to receive messages from the holy Cure of Ars, Saint Padre Pio, Saint Theresa of the Child Jesus and also from the Holy Mother of God ; sometimes even from the Lord Jesus Christ and of course from aliens. Had I only known then that those who delivered these messages were from fallen spirits, I would have left that spiritualistic center immediately.
« Contact with a guru »
One Wednesday evening, the guru offered to those who would want it a general cleanup of their soul. I suffered much in my interior, but at that time, I did not know that it was an accumulation of my sins that oppressed me. I believed that this interior suffering was caused by the karma that I accumulated in my so called previous lives since I did believe in reincarnation. I had not been aware that death is the end of my earthly pilgrimage ; that it was a time of grace and mercy that God offered me so as to fulfill my life on earth according to the divine purpose and to decide of my final destiny. I did not know then that when my earthly life would come to an end, I would not return to other earthly lives. I found out later that men die only once. (Heb. 9:17) According to the teaching of the Catholic Church, there was no reincarnation after death.
Believing that the guru had the power to free me from my previous lives, I accepted his proposition and sat next to him. He was working for the devil and, by allowing myself to surrender to his power, I allowed the devil to take possession of me. Evil spirits had penetrated me because of the errors of my way: card reading, pendulum, astrology, horoscope, palm reading, initiation to yoga, reiki, veneration of Buddha, esoteric meditation, opening to the chakras, chi kong, etc… With the powers that he obtained from the devil, the guru set his hands on both my chakras! The chakra of the heart and the chakra of the third eye! Then he told me that he had transmitted the light upon me. But unfortunately, it was the “light” of God’s enemy. I then returned home and began to feel ill.
During the spiritualistic séance that followed, I lived through a very difficult experience.
The kundalini arose. Kundalini is a powerful energy lodged in the sacrum bone at the base of the back. When it is awakened, it travels along the spine and travels from the center up to the chakra of the heart located above the head. During this experience, I had the impression of being transported into heaven, so powerful was this energy.
What I had not then understood, is that by practicing yoga and the unleashing of the kundalini, I allowed Satan to enter into me and to take charge of my interior. I did not know that the practice of yoga could open the door of my soul to evil spiritual entities.
Yoga is not a simple practice. It belongs to a true religion from which it is hard to be released. I heard from an informed priest that yoga is a Hindu practice that unites the temporal self “Jiva” to the infinite “Brahman”, the Hindu concept of God. This god is presented as an impersonal spiritual substance. He is not Jesus Christ, the personal God of Revelation. By calling upon foreign divinities that do not exist, I was really entering in contact with demons and submitting to them.
I then realized that by practicing yoga, I adored a god other than the Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit and thus breaking the first of God’s commandments: “You will have no god other than Me.” (Deut. 5:7)
Feeling more and more ill, I decided to abandon these techniques. Since my chakras were opened, I found myself between life and death for many long months, and if I am alive today, I can only say thank you to Jesus.
« Association with the Order of Rose Cross AMORC »
With my thirst for knowledge yet unsatisfied, I joined the Rosicrucian Order AMORC and, quickly, I began to receive small booklets to study. I stopped at the seventh level of the Temple. I also joined a Rosicrucian lodge where I underwent many initiations and it is only later, when Jesus freed me, that I saw how Satan had taken possession of me during each initiation. I heard: “It is Satan who performs the initiations”. I then realized that these initiations were ordained by the master of hell, Lucifer. During each initiation, I belonged to him more and more and was sinking more deeply into the abyss. I then had the vision of my soul imprisoned. I found myself behind bars. This chastisement was linked to my immoderate pride.
I who wanted to be somebody in this esoteric Order, I now found myself a prisoner. I saw my soul enclosed behind bars. This chastisement was the consequence of my pride that condemned me. Satan was condemned because of his excessive pride and I then realized that he had condemned me through his great hatred and with his evil wish to lose souls. In my heart, I then felt all the pride that was boiling. In fact, my heart was united to that of the devil ! How I suffered when I discovered this. For all these years spent in esoterism, I had not realized that pride is a capital sin and that if we sin through pride, we die spiritually.
In Genesis chapter 3, God had ordered Eve to not eat of the fruit of the tree that was in the middle of the garden: “You will not eat of it nor will touch it for fear that you will die”. (Gen. 3:3)
Dear brothers and sisters, although the Church through the Catechism recommends us to stay clear of pride, I had disobeyed when listening to the voice of the serpent. “You will not die”. (Gen. 3:4). My pride had brought about the falling of my soul into the abyss.
In this Order I had studied various disciplines: the psychic body of man, stellar traveling, human aura, chakras, vocal sounds, mantras… Through these studies, I attempted to know and understand the god that was named “the cosmic one”. But I understood nothing of this false god and its energies. Can you imagine what kind of love relationship I had with that god? None. No burning heart to heart as I can now experience with Jesus of Love in the Eucharist. I then bitterly regretted having allowed myself to pursue such studies. I later regretted having dropped the study of the Holy Bible. Had I known at that time that my inquiries displeased God, I would have stopped immediately.
As I was not reading the Bible, I was ignorant of the parables that the Lord Jesus had given us to allow us to one day enter paradise: « And so the king said to those on his right: Come, you the blessed ones of My Father; receive the kingdom that has been prepared for you since the founding of the world. As I was hungry, and you gave me to eat, I was thirsty, and you gave me to drink, I was a stranger and you received me; I was naked, and you clothed me; I was sick and you visited me; I was in prison, and you came to see me.” (Matt. 25: 34-36)
« Researching the New Age »
In researching the New Age that does not come from God, I practiced magnetism, telepathy, pendulum, all kinds of magic, hypnosis, the effects of New Age, reading auras, all forms of healing through energies, crystals, music and colours, meditations on New Age music, reiki – against which the bishops of the United States warn us. And then, I felt in my body that Satan had placed his energy in me and with his power, I then began to tremble. Later on I studied Christian reflections on the New Age “Jesus Christ the bearer of the Water of Life” that is proposed to us by the Pontifical Council on inter religious dialogue. We find this on the Vatican site. These writings proved to me that my studies were disastrous for my soul. In this report, it is written that New Age claims a wide range of practices such as acupuncture, biofeedback, chiropractic, kinesiology, iridology, homeopathy, different techniques of physical massages (such as ergonomy, feldenkrais, reflexology, rolfing, polarity massage, therapeutic touching, etc) meditation and visualizing, nutritional therapies, psychic treatments, different sorts of medicinal plants, healing through crystals, metals, music or colours, reincarnation therapies and finally the 12 step programs and groupings of self realization.
In the Rosicrucian Order A.M.O.R.C., I met a gentleman who was single for many years as his wife had left him for another man. A few months later, we decided to have a civil marriage. We could not get married in the Catholic Church because he had previously received the sacrament of marriage.
And then I was struck by a bolt of grace! Looking at a poster of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, I heard a voice telling me: “My holy wounds will save you!” The wounds of his sorrowful Passion.
« Pilgrimage to Medjugorje »
Shortly after, during a pilgrimage to Medjugorje, I agreed to re-enter the Catholic Church. During that trip, I felt within myself a great battle between heaven and hell, between the Most Blessed Virgin Mary and Satan. When I set foot on Medjugorjan soil I heard the devil say to the Holy Virgin Mary : “Mary, you have won”. By that he meant she had succeeded in attracting me to this holy place. It was already a first victory for the Holy Virgin who ardently wishes for the salvation of every soul. As I entered the large church of Medjugorje the devil began saying: “Against love, I can do nothing”. He is truly miserable. Love always conquers him. The Love of the Mother of God is so great. I discovered that she loved me as much as she does her Divine Son. I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament that was exposed, before the real presence of Jesus alive, body, blood, soul and divinity!
After adoration, I accompanied the group with whom I was making this pilgrimage. We decided to make the Way of the Cross. Then, we all went to the home that hosted us. The Holy Virgin Mary then spoke to me about the Rosicrucians. She told me: “It is a sect”. I did not realize that.
« First supernatural experience »
Upon returning to France, God gave me a first supernatural experience during which He asked me to do penance. He showed me how my soul was enclosed in the Beast that had a lion’s head as described in the Book of Revelation. (The beast I saw was like a leopard, but it had feet like a bear’s, and its mouth like a mouth of a lion. To it the dragon gave its own power and throne, along with great authority.” Rev. 13: 2)
I saw the demons that surrounded me and that were ready to take me with them to the place of darkness. These demons were tied to each of my sins.
« Descent into hell »
When I began to reflect more deeply into my soul, I saw myself as a hyena. I descended into the abyss, into the crater of fire, while blaspheming and feeling hatred towards God, just like the damned who live as if in a hive. There, I was overwhelmed by blood suckers because of my sin with the guru. Larvae stuck onto me. It was horrible. I truly lived great sufferings in my soul. That is what all the damned experience for all eternity. They suffer for each sin they have committed. The state of my soul was the consequence of my disobediences towards God’s law. Satan in his fury told me: “I condemned you to the punishment of hell”.
If Jesus had not given me the assurance regarding my eternal salvation, I would have despaired. The fact that He told me that his holy wounds would save me, sufficed to give me much hope. Jesus is but love and mercy. He paid much in order to save my soul. I did not know that Satan was burning in hell and wanted everyone to burn with him (“The Devil who had led them astray was thrown into the pool of fire and sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet were. There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever” Rev. 20:10)
The Blessed Virgin Mary told me: « Satan’s hatred is within you. » Many times I felt his great hate toward all that was created by God. I saw how Satan and the fallen angels along with the damned attacked the souls in their heart and their brain so as to destroy them. The worst part is that I could hear my soul saying: “Satan, I love you!” It was truly horrible! I was a decaying demon! The day when Jesus told me: « You worship Satan », I did not believe him. Now, I was facing the fact. My soul adored evil.
« My vanity and my rebeliousness had condemned me »
I was a worldly woman, seducer, always wooed and domineering. I said that I was a liberated woman but in fact I was chained to Lucifer. I saw the black chains with which Satan was binding me. They were large black chains. I also saw the devil with a pitchfork. He was all black, with a very mean look. The chains that I saw were all the sins that I had committed and that kept me linked to various demons of hell’s hierarchy. Only Jesus with his Precious Blood could cut these chains. If I had not confided in Jesus, I would have remained chained for all eternity and would have suffered the depths of torture in order to expiate my sins. That is why I thank Jesus millions of times for his sorrowful Passion that saved me from eternal hell. For all eternity, in thanksgiving, I will sing the praises of the great mercy of God.
My rebellion began by listening to rock, the Beatles, ACDC, and the evil spirits of this bad music entered into me… and everywhere “Peace and love” was promoted. I used these words with some of my hippy friends. My interior rebellion led me to support homosexuality, divorce, common law living, abortion. At that time, I had not realized that I was a great persecutor of Christ’s law, but you know, I was chained to the abyss and could not react any differently.
It is the light of Satan that is nothing other than darkness that inhabited me. God told me: “You are a great rebel.” I had to admit that it was true! If my mother had not prayed a lot for me and had not made sacrifices for my soul, I would, at this time, still be blinded by Lucifer’s light. Fasting and prayer greatly helped me to be delivered. Jesus explained that when I prayed, He prayed with me, in me, for my liberation.
« The devil attacks souls »
I then heard the enemy of God speak to the Virgin Mary whom he fears terribly. Speaking of souls he said: “I hold them all, I will have them all” and I also heard that he has hold of many priests (because they do not do penance and no longer pray). If the demon succeeds in having a priest damn himself by being with a woman, he then rejoices because during that time, the priest no longer does his duty for saving souls. Woe to these women who detract priests from their vocation! They will always be under the confines of God’s justice and the sufferings of hell await them if they do not repent. If you only knew how the Blessed Virgin sheds tears when she sees the Beast engulf more and more souls. So she sheds many tears of blood and we are guilty of making her suffer.
Satan drags many souls on the way to perdition by prompting them to the love of the world, of money, of the flesh and of New Age. Personally, I was condemned to being raped by him for all eternity, had I not repented of my sins of the flesh such as when I masturbated in my youth and when I lived common law with a divorced man. I will speak to you about this in a while. God was good to me and He told me: “Respect your body.” “I created you with my hands.” “No longer make your flesh suffer.” “Set a good example.” That meant that I must live in purity and witness to it.
« Jesus : My name is Yeshuah »
When He came to deliver me, I had an interior vision and He told me: « My name is Yeshuah! Do you want to get out of this?” God always leaves freedom of the soul. And I answered: “Yes, I want out.” I had never heard of that name in my life. I wanted to know what it meant and I discovered that Yeshuah is the Hebrew name for Jesus. He then let me see a few visions of his public life. I saw Him walking with three of his apostles. They all wore a long light maroon tunic. He then showed himself to me as He was praying alone when He had retired to the mountain, which allowed me to see his face. He was beautiful. I also saw Him carry the cross on his shoulder. Finally, I saw Him dead on the cross, with his heart opened and from which flowed blood and water. I then understood his tremendous love for souls when He said while on the cross: “I thirst”.
« The workings of the flesh are reserved only for marriage »
At this particular time in my life, I did not know that God forbade sexual relations outside of marriage in the Church.
In the Decalogue, the Word of God tells us: “The workings of the flesh are reserved for marriage only”. God even told me that it was forbidden to think about the flesh before marrying in the Church and that it was equally forbidden to procreate before having celebrated the sacrament of marriage. He enlightened me with his Word: “I am a jealous God, who renders the children accountable for their fathers’ fault, to the third and fourth generation of those who detest me; but who acts with faithfulness up to the thousandth generation toward those who love me and observe my commandments.” (Ex. 34,7)
At that moment, I understood that had I fallen pregnant without being married sacramentally, my child’s soul would bear the weight of my disobedience against God’s Law. I also understood that if I had borne a child, I would have had to have masses of reparation celebrated for its soul as he would have been born without the divine grace of the sacrament of marriage. I have many friends who had children out of wedlock and God invited me to explain to them that they must meet a priest in order to receive the sacrament. If they submit humbly, out of love for Jesus who suffered so greatly for their salvation, He would deliver the descendants from all curses. God severs negative links if the soul sincerely regrets having offended Him and makes acts of penance.
« Chastisement for the sin of the flesh »
God allows me also, in my interior, to hear the devil and know his evil intentions so that I can denounce him to my brothers and sisters for the good of their souls. The devil told me that it was he who provides sexual pleasure. He often tried to rape me or give me pleasure through very strong interior temptations, but did not succeed to do so because I asked Our Blessed Virgin to keep my soul from pleasure ; thanks to the scapular of Our Lady of Mount Carmel that the Blessed Virgin protected me. Sexual pleasure is permitted by God only in the Sacrament of marriage for procreation.
I often heard the devil say: “If I could, I would rape her”. I took the vow of chastity and it now has been many years since I live in purity. Rape by the devil or devils, is one of the chastisements in hell for all those souls that did not regret committing the sin of the flesh: homosexuality, living common law, divorce and civil remarriage.
If there is no repentance, masturbation is punishable, which I would have had to personally atone for all eternity had I not repented of all my mockeries. I was very proud, mocking and very vain.
The Blessed Virgin also asked me to do penance for laughing at words which I uttered that offended God. If you only knew the hatred that Satan bears towards each one of us, for God and for priests, it is terrible.
God told me: “Revere my priests.” Priests are the apple of the eyes of Jesus. Without priests, nobody would have access to heaven because only they can provide us with the sacraments, and can open us to the Life of Christ and grant us forgiveness.
« My ascending from the abyss »
After these moments of interior suffering, Jesus raised me from the abyss by taking me back to Him and I felt his power remove me from this state of darkness, in which I was terrified of everything. He is more powerful than all the devils put together.
« Jesus and Mary give me counsels »
Jesus and Mary then spoke to me. The Blessed Virgin told me :
« You have offended my immaculate heart. »
« My Son died because of your sins. »
« You do not love the cross enough. »
« When you are afraid, come into my arms. »
« Remain faithful to my Son,”
« Fight spiritualism. »
« Your life is mine. » At that moment I understood that the most Blessed Virgin Mary wanted me to consecrate my entire life to her and serve her. To have me fully at her service, she asked me to remain simple, to ignore myself and to be sober in all things. The Blessed Virgin loves humility. She also made me know that she would always be my intercessor near God. When we pray to her and serve her, the Virgin Mary is always grateful.
In his great kindness, Jesus consoled me for having such a powerful spiritual experience. With great charity He told me: «You are my great beauty». I understood that He was speaking of my soul. I was surprised when He told me: «You need someone to take great care of you». At that moment I understood that God was a real Father who watches over me for everything day and night. He then told me: «Begin by loving sincerely». The Holy Spirit showed me that in fact I never in my life loved and the Blessed Virgin told me: «You do not like to share». I then began to greet the poor at home; I nearly gave all my clothes away and I spent all my money for the needy. I no longer wanted to keep anything for myself and Jesus added: «Fear not giving everything away».
I then heard the following words: «You are my total joy». «You are mine». «Think only of Me». «Think of loving only Me». «I will heal you». «You bathe in my Blood». «Give Me much love». «Sin no more». «Do not sell your soul to the devil». «Betray me no more». «Do not jest with Me». (I was in the habit of jesting with God). «I love being feared». (it is not about fearing me but of fearing to offend Him because God is Holy. If we offend Him, we must confront his justice that is severe). «I am your only master». «I am the Way, the Truth and the Life». «No longer wander away from Me». «Elude the world». «Elude men». « Do not scoff at sinners». «Love them all». «Deny yourself». «Divest yourself». «Listen to my word, observe my commandments, observe the Sabbath». (It is to say the day of the Lord). «I am the Son of God». «I want you nearer to Me». «You are dear to Me». I understood that God wanted me to be more intimate with Him while still respecting his great holiness. He ended by saying: «You do not imagine to what degree I love you». «Read the Bible».
I never read the Bible. As for the commandments of God, I knew that there were ten but knew no more. Then I purchased a Bible, the Jerusalem Bible, and I learned about the Law of God.
It is only later, when I consulted the Catechism of the Catholic Church that I discovered that since the age of fifteen I was in the state of mortal sin (Catechism of the Catholic Church (french version 1856) : When the will sets itself upon something that is of its nature incompatible with the charity that orients man toward his ultimate end, then the sin is mortal by its very object… such as adultery…)
« Jesus : Uphold my law »
Jesus then gave me an order: «Uphold my law». That is what I have been doing since 1996, which brought me many persecutions. Then Jesus added: «Let me decide your eternal salvation». I then told Jesus: Lord, I understand what You want to tell me. If, spiritually, I take my own direction, I will run towards disaster, but if You yourself direct me through my spiritual director, then I will be able to see heaven one day. I therefore accepted for God to decide the destiny that He chose for me. I gave Him my free decision. Since God is all knowing, He cannot delude Himself. I surrendered to God’s will but it took many years to adjust. Jesus then told me: «Submit to everything». I therefore submitted to the His holy will and to my spiritual director, as if to the Lord Jesus, to circle the world and witness to the great mercy of God.
« Following Jesus throughout the world »
Following Jesus was quite difficult for many years. However, after experiencing many years of intense spiritual battles, He told me: «You are ready to follow Me». I was so persecuted that at times I wondered if I could carry on. Jesus then taught me to surrender to his will. He gave me the graces to follow Him as well as his own virtues, without which I could have no longer moved on.
What helped me much, I was to meditate on the Passion of Christ. During my various travels throughout the world, I meditated on the suffering of Christ during the Way of the Cross for my salvation, I must do the same for his glory.
« You will not proclaim the name of the Lord, your God, in vain »
At that time in my life, I did not know the second commandment : «You will not proclaim the name of the Lord, your God, in vain». (Ex. 20:7). Unfortunately, many times I pronounced the name of God in vain, which is sacred and later on, I acknowledged my fault before a priest.
« Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day »
I did not even know the third commandment since I no longer attended mass on Sunday. Neither did I go on the days of obligation (Christmas, Ascension, Assumption, All Saints day). For many years, I worked on Sunday when it was to be a day of complete rest. «Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day. Six days you may labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord, your God. No work may be done» (Ex. 20 : 8-10)
« You shall not kill »
When I got to know the fifth commandment, I was covered with shame « You shall not kill ». (Ex. 20: 13). I then realized that I was killing myself by smoking two packages of cigarettes a day, by taking soft drugs, by drinking a lot of alcohol, and by taking the pill. I also realized that I was killing others by often becoming very angry with my neighbor.
One day I also accompanied a friend who wished to have an abortion to a clinic. I do not know if you know what goes on during an abortion but it is awful. Abortion is murder. When Jesus and Mary enlightened me about this sin, I cried and repented.
I now pray every day to stop the abortions of these martyred babies and for the mothers who aborted them. I also pray for these mothers to repent and for the doctors who perform abortions; hopefully, they will do penance and acknowledge their error before God. They will have to make up for these sins with great suffering after their death. The demons will inflict upon them eternal torments if they do not repent. While we are in this period of great mercy, may they benefit from the blood and water that gushed from the divine heart…
« My civil marriage »
I then found myself with the one whom I was to wed and explained to him that we were to live in chastity until the wedding.
A few months later, we were married in the town hall and then a priest received us and granted us a simple blessing. He organized a small ceremony before the Blessed Virgin, without the blessing of the rings, as you would understand. When it was over, Jesus told me: «This is a lie». I immediately understood that this simple blessing did not please Him. We then went home. We had just purchased a house so as to live there happily.
The day after my wedding, I experienced something extraordinary. My soul found itself in a peaceful place, as in a forest. I was walking with Jesus and we both felt good. I was in total happiness. When I came to myself, I was engulfed with happiness and fullness of the joy of having spoken with Jesus, without however remembering what He had told me. I felt madly in love with Jesus ; I realized how much He loved me; I still long for this.
« Jesus : Offer Me your life »
Following that, I went to a church and as I was before the crucifix, Jesus told me: « Offer Me your life ». I was so happy that at night I went to mass and received communion without knowing that I had a mortal sin on my conscience. In my interior, I knew that I should not go near the Eucharist, but a powerful strength attracted me to take the body of Christ. At that time, in my life, I did not know that it was the devil who was enticing me to receive the body of Christ in the state of sin. He had pushed me so as to thrust me into perdition. It is only later that my soul sank into the abyss because of that communion. The following day I returned to mass and did not receive communion. I then heard: « You are reasonable ».
I did not yet have much knowledge regarding the Word of God which I only discovered later: «Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer to the Lord».
A person should examine his conscience before eating the bread and drinking the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning, eats and drinks judgment on his self. That is why so many among you may be ill inform, and a as result a considerable number are dying.”. (1 Cor. 11: 27-30)
« Jesus told me : Your soul was lost »
Jesus told me: « Your soul is lost ». I was very much lost spiritually without confession, truly a sacrament of mercy. That is why I will speak to you about my first confession a little later.
Many souls fall into hell unfortunately at the hour of their death because they did not give proper respect to the Eucharist; they had no respect for the body of Christ and as a result, Jesus vomited them on the day of their particular judgment of their soul. Had they confessed to a priest, they may have been in purgatory or in heaven but not in hell.
After this experience, Jesus told me: « I have a plan for you ». In fact, He created me to accomplish a mission ; this mission is to visit nations and be a witness of his great mercy. He chose me before my birth to be his witness in the world.
« Jesus : I seek atonement for your marriage »
Two days after the wedding, I left the nuptial room because Jesus removed me from it by telling me: «Obey me, I demand atonement». Then I told Jesus: You know that it is not easy to repent so quickly.
I had carnal desires and Jesus told me: «Your sin offended me». «Submit my daughter» (that meant submit to my Law) and He showed me demons with cruel eyes to which I was bound because of my sin of adultery. What horror! My soul suffered martyrdom and I heard my soul say: I am in the bottom of the abyss. What suffering I experienced, my dear brothers and sisters! I was in an intense spiritual distress.
Had I known that this civil marriage was going to lead me to the bottom of hell, I would have remained single or would have married a man who was free ; but surely not a divorced man who was married in the Church.
Jesus wanted to soothe me. He saw that I was self destructing internally and that I lacked much love. At this time, I was suffering from being physically separated from the man whom I had just married. It was a great wound. So Jesus told me: «You have a big wound».
Later on, He added, «Give Me your distress» and many times He had me rest on his tender Heart to make me feel how much He loved me. God loves us to distraction, but He cannot renounce his Law as it is a part of Him.
Then Jesus had me live moments of intense peace. The Heart of Jesus is an ocean of love, of exquisite tenderness and mercy. Then I told Jesus: My God, make it so that I never lose your Love.
Having tasted such indescribable peace, I rediscovered the world in which I live, and I left for a trip to the Holy Land.
« Trip in the Holy Land »
In order to purify my flesh, I went to bathe in the Jordan. When Naaman, general of the king of Syria, obeyed the prophet Elisha who had ordered him to bathe in order to be purified, his flesh became similar to that of a small child. (2 Kings 5: 14). I believed the Word of God.: “Go and bathe seven times in the Jordan and your flesh will once again become clean.” After having immersed myself seven times in the Jordan, my flesh that was leprous, once again became pure and from that moment on I no longer had sexual relations.
« Jesus : renounce your marriage »
When I visited Capernaum, Jesus told me: «Renounce your marriage». I then understood how my marriage to a divorced man had offended Jesus given that the man had already been previously married in the Catholic Church. (French Catechism of the Catholic Church 1650 : Today there are numerous Catholics who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions. In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ – “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mk. 10: 11-12) – the Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if there was a first marriage. If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law. Consequently, they cannot receive communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesiastical responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of Penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete continence).
I thought, Lord, what is going to happen to those couples who live in fornication? I understood that God will save all those who offer Him their chastity and will make reparation with a life of penance. For a couple that is not united to God by the sacrament of marriage in the Church, it must abstain from sexual relations as an act of penance. This penance will be in reparation for the offense committed against God. If the penance is sincere, God will free them from the sufferings of hell.
« Impurity in marriage »
God has also enlightened me concerning couples married in the Church who practice intercourse in an impure way. Some commit horrible things with their flesh and thus profane the sacrament of marriage. I understood that many among them would be severely punished if they did not repent. As I was personally impure, the Blessed Virgin told me that I was to remain very pure, which is why I have been living in the state chastity for a very long time. I do penance just like Mary Magdalen. I understood that we must not play around with the flesh because to play around with the flesh, is to play with the devil. I also understood that the sexual act is a gift of God for procreation and not for pleasure.
I spoke to a priest about what I am living with Christ when I went to Jerusalem and the priest told me that I had to bear witness to that in the world.
« What God has united, man must not separate »
Upon my return to France, I had to face trials that awaited me in order to purify my soul. I had just married and settled in a home with children but God told me at that moment that it was forbidden to procreate (because I had not received the sacrament of marriage). I was living in adultery and had transgressed the sixth commandment of God “You shall not commit adultery”. The following day I looked for a priest confessor who received me with charity and I explained to him what God was asking of me. The priest confirmed that we had to live as brother and sister and added that I could receive communion if I accepted to sleep in a separate bedroom so as to practice chastity. He explained that divorce does not break the sacrament of marriage in the Church, therefore, my husband had remained married before God to his legitimate wife until death separates them, even if she has begun another new life. What God has united, man must not separate!
« Jesus cries over the unfaithful women »
I know very well that God will call this woman to account. God said that He cries over unfaithful women. This woman who left her husband will be told by God at her particular judgment: “Woman, what have you done with your husband?” Had she prayed to God, He would have reconciled them, but her heart was very hard. The soul of a woman who does not forgive her husband or leaves him is bound for the abyss. The same applies to the man who leaves his wife. However if a woman leaves her husband because her life is endangered, that is different. In this case, the Church allows the separation of body, but not divorce. If a man is unfaithful to his wife and leaves her for another, to get married or otherwise, he commits adultery and must render a severe account to God on the day of his particular judgment.
Does the man or woman who breaks the marriage vow think of the consequences that this will bring upon the children? On the day of the particular judgment of their soul, the father and the mother must render a very severe account to God concerning the Christian education and the love that they gave to their children. They must give an account of their paternal and their maternal actions Do these people know, that because of their infidelity, their children will be disturbed all their life? Man is often selfish and thinks only of himself. But what account one must render to God regarding the state of ones soul on the day of the particular judgment! When the movie of their life will run before their eyes, they will see that that sin will be inscribed in the book of life. What suffering their soul will feel if that sin was not erased by sacramental confession.
What suffering a soul will undergo if it has not repented while alive… And what suffering the soul will feel when it will experience and live the consequences of its unfaithfulness and the suffering that it has caused the children. I felt it because I made the children of my husband suffer by asking for a divorce. Although his wife was also asking him for a divorce for years, I should not personally have done it.
« Consequences of my adultery on my husband’s children »
I can tell you that even after a number of years, I still feel, in my soul, a great despair for having made the daughter of this man with whom I had contracted a civil bond suffer. One day when this child was crying and suffering because of our marriage, God told me in a severe tone: «Do penance».
Sixteen years later, I still suffer the consequences of that marriage. And I tell God: Since these children are not mine, in order to make reparation for my sin, I will pray for their salvation all my life. I love them as if they were my own children and one day I want to find them in heaven. God was touched and told me that He saw the heart of their mother and mine.
Their mother had imposed upon them another man since their early childhood and had never prayed for them. God saw my heart and a few months later, after my sincere repentance, He told me: “You have my mercy”. God only grants his mercy if we are sincerely contrite for our sin. He who does not want to pass through the door of God’s mercy, must pass through that of his justice. God’s justice, which is his strictness is indeed terrible, but, however His justice is as great as his mercy.
« God the Father : If you want Me to forgive you, forgive others »
Brothers and sisters, who are we to not forgive each other. Did not God forgive his executioners on the cross? How can you be reunited with your enemies in heaven if already on earth you do not love them. God told me: «If you want Me to forgive you, forgive others» as He taught us in the prayer “Our Father”. When God told me that, his voice thundered in the church where I was. It was so powerful that I made myself small. God truly freed me when I forgave everybody, when I had masses celebrated for my persecutors, when I prayed and fasted for those who wounded me…
« You will find peace after many masses »
As I felt much anguish, heaven told me: «You will find peace after many masses». Therefore I celebrated many sets of thirty masses; while these masses were celebrated for my soul I suffered terribly because God was freeing my soul from evil. I remember one day when I had stretched out on the ground, I suffered so much morally and physically when I heard these words: «Go to the sacraments » «Mary will free you from all these demons ». After that, I heard many demons whistling when they left me. That happened quite often to me. I then decided to go and see a priest. How ashamed I was of my sin! Since I was somewhat afraid to find myself alone with a priest in a confessional, I decided to go to general confession which would be, so I thought, just as beneficial for my soul.
« Acknowledge your sins »
Upon opening the Code of Canon Law I read what the conditions are for a general absolution to be valid. (Grave necessity of this sort can arise when there is imminent danger of death without sufficient time for the priest or priests to hear each penitent’s confession. Grave necessity can also exist when, given the number of penitents, there are not enough confessors to hear confessions properly in a reasonable time, so that the penitents through no fault of their own would be deprived of sacramental grace or holy communion for a long time. In this case, for the absolution to be valid, the faithful must have the intention of individually confessing their sins in the time required. A large gathering of the faithful on the occasion of major feasts or pilgrimages does not constitute a case of grave necessity).
After reading what the conditions are for a general confession, I instead decided to meet with a priest and to make a good private confession. Jesus encouraged me by saying: «Acknowledge your faults».
(see the following )